I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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