every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
