i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
