dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
