I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
