my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
