this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
