Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my being single is dangerous.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
