It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
