Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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