ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
