The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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