to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
