i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
