my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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