Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
