I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
