I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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