Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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