even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
