Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
