we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
