Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
