Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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