Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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