I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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