I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
