a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
