quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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