Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
