Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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