Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
