i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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