I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then he peed in my hair
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