I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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