I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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