just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of course I have a pirate flag
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
