a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
