The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
