either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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