Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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