the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
