Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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