I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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