Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
