You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
