drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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