I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
