i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
