Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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